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The Best Cream Since Genghis Khan

Hot Sauce is the first product that has ever been produced with the singular goal of making the Sun a cuck.

It's sunscreen in a hot sauce bottle. It launches soon, and the sun has no idea.

Measured in Sun Humiliation Units

Hot sauce gets rated in Scoville Heat Units. We rate sunscreen by how bad it makes the sun feel.

  1. Bare skin0 SHU

    The sun is having the best day of its life.

  2. Drugstore lotion from 20195,000 SHU

    Mildly inconvenienced. Still gets your ears.

  3. Hat, long sleeves, shade250,000 SHU

    Calls you a coward and goes after your feet instead.

  4. Hot Sauce2,000,000 SHU

    Goes home and cries in the shower.

Sunscreen Facts

Servings per bottle: depends how much of you there is

Serving size1 shot glass (about 1 oz)

Calories0

Don't eat it.

% Daily Value*

Sun's self-esteem 0g0%

Smugness 40g300%

Peeling 0g0%

Regret 0g0%

Actual hot sauce 0g0%

*Percent Daily Values are based on eight hours of lying on a beach like a rotisserie chicken.

Ingredients: coming soon. Not chili.

Warnings

  • WarningNot hot sauce. Do not put on tacos.
  • Do not drinkWe know you've had a few.
  • ReapplyEvery 2 hours, or right after you get out of the water.
  • Side effectsMay cause the sun to file a restraining order.
  • Keep out of eyesKeep away from Kevin.
  • Ass cheeks countDon't skip them.
Oil painting of a beach at sunset. The sun has a terrified face, wide eyes and an open, screaming mouth.
The Sun, Moments After Hearing About Hot SauceOil on canvas. Artist unknown. Sun currently in therapy.

The sun has been getting away with this for 4.6 billion years

Aerial view of a packed beach, hundreds of people lying in the sun
every one of these people trusted the sun
  • Wanted forLobster shoulders at your cousin's wedding
  • Wanted forA watch tan that lasted until Christmas
  • Wanted forPeeling your nose like a fucking clementine
  • Wanted forBurning the one bald spot you swore wasn't there
  • Wanted for"It'll turn into a tan." It never does.
A deeply tanned man lying face down in white beach sand
Dave said he had a base tan.

For the idiot who burns every single summer

You know the one. They come back from Cancún the colour of a stop sign and tell you it'll turn into a tan. It won't.

Give them a bottle. They'll try to put it on a taco, you'll get a laugh, and they'll finally stop peeling all over your couch.

Get on the list

Questions

Is it actually hot sauce?

No. It's sunscreen in a hot sauce bottle. Please don't eat it.

Is it real sunscreen?

Yes. The SPF and the full ingredient list go up here before launch.

When can I buy it?

When it launches. Get on the list and you'll get one email that day.

Can I buy one as a gift?

Yes. That's mostly why it exists.

Why is the sun a cuck?

Ask the sun.

Will it make my tacos spicier?

No. Stop asking.

A man on a beach lounger holds his head in his hand
should've asked sooner

Get on the list

We'll send one email when Hot Sauce launches.